Hello. I created this blog on a particularly down day at work. At first, my intent was to vent about the various terrible encounters I’ve endured in my time working as a retail girl at a local bakery, but in the process of trying to be clever and funny, I realized that I was completely wasting the lesson I currently inhabit. So. Here we are. Allow me to provide a bit of background about myself.
First and foremost I love Jesus with all my heart, mind, body and strength. If you are looking for commentary that does not include God and my experience of His presence in my day to day life, I give you full permission to exercise your free will and leave this blog at once. But if you are at all curious at what it could possibly mean or look like for a post-grad twenty-something, please, by all means, stay a while. I have no qualms of your religious, political or sexual orientation. I’m just warning you. You might not always agree with or particularly like what I have to share. Now. On to less important matters.
I graduated from UCSB a year and a half ago. I finished early with a fairly decent GPA with a string of extracurriculars. If I were to describe my student experience from Kindergarten all the way up to the completion of my undergraduate degree, that would pretty much sum it up. Almost straight A’s, multiple sports and other extracurriculars on top of that. Next to zero wasted time. Utter efficiency. Sort of.
And you know what I have to show for it? Nada. The only job I’ve been able to acquire doesn’t really even need a high school diploma or GED. Supposedly anybody could do this job, within reason.
But here’s the thing. I am paid much less than most of my friends who graduated a little later than me with less on their plate, but I am learning much more than they ever will in their nice jobs that they enjoy. Before I go on, please let me say this: I am SO glad I am surrounded by friends who are accomplishing exactly what they have always wanted to do. It brings me great joy. Even on my worst days and I am feeling sorry for myself and my struggle of a life, I am always, at the end of the day, filled with joy and pride as I watch my friends excel.
That being said, to say I don’t struggle with jealousy, self-pity and over all sadness sometimes, would be a complete and utter disregard for the truth. The constant need for my heart to be turned back to humility is nothing short of difficult. The terrible implications customers make in their questionings of my station in life can sting more than a bullet to the chest. At the least it can knock the wind from my sails every once in a while. But here is my point. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud (e.e. cummings), to dwell on the hardships are to completely miss everything my loving Lord is trying to teach me: humility, servanthood, love, grace, patience, gentleness.
It is all too easy to ask God why. However I’m pretty sure the question He is looking for is what. What are You doing? What are You saying? What are You teaching me? I will tell you what it is. At least as much as I’ve grasped thus far.
The lesson is love. And if you’re wondering who I’m learning to love, the answer is YOU. The mother with a small screaming child who in turn barks commands at me as I run around like a chicken with its head cut off. Or you, the powerful man with lots of money and has yet to be stood up to. Whose gruff demeanor can be demeaning and cruel to the various underlings he encounters in his daily powerful life. Or you, the eccentric old person who thinks I have nothing better to do than listen to all your great ideas on how to improve a store I have no say in running. All this in a very hot, very little space, with my own set of baggage as well as my co-workers’.
I am learning to love in spite of insults spit in my face or the assumptions that I am not very smart. And if you tend to make these off hand assumptions about the workers you encounter every day, whether it be in the grocery store with the kid who is terrified of screwing up his first job or the old Latina lady ringing you up at Walgreens, I assure you, they hear your every ill-timed word and they feel your cold judgements as you walk away.
So, in light of this somewhat heavy introduction, I leave you with a quote from one of my most treasured books.
“It wasn’t only wickedness and scheming that made people unhappy, it was confusion and misunderstanding; above all, it was the failure to grasp the simple truth that other people are as real as you.”
Ian McEwan – Atonement
Confessions Of A Slightly Over Minimum Wage Worker 